***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
