Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
