just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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