I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
