yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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