p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
