well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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