You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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