Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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