you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
