even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
