well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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