I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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