Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
