I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
