I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
