On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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