tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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