Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
