We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want nice things and good sex
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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