Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
