i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
