Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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