About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
