So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
