Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
