as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
