He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
