Acid is not a monday night drug
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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