You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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