i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
