dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We left an ass print on the piano.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
