his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
