i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
