I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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