I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
