i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
