My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
