You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were trust falling into bushes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
