Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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