Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
