Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The best revenge is premature balding
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
