we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
