my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
