At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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