Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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