I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
