Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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