The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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