i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's like iHOP with fire
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
