A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
