Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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