I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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