it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
