I think I just saw someone hide a body.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize