he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
