After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
