first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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