If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
