why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
