he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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