and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
