Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
