Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
