I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
