and i looked up. we had an audience...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
